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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our friend’s DC started off like this. Then she joined a club sport. They barely saw her for the rest of the year, except when she needed a ride to games. Your niece need to make the rounds of clubs and she will find her people. Does she have any interests?[/quote]

Yes. Clubs clubs clubs. On a big campus, there must be so many clubs. Hobbies, music grouos, theatre, sports, politics,  faith, service.  What about getting involved with a service organization? Many campuses have a Habitat for Humanity group or something like it. Nothing like working together to get to know people.

Mine is at a medium school and slow to connect too. She has made a couple friends through orientation activities and is meeting more people through theatre and faith group.  I keep reminding her to make an effort to connect.  It takes a lot for these quiet ones. All the best to yours.[/quote]

OP, the way to find some real friends, or at least good acquaintances you can start to feel confident with, is through shared interests and activities. Roommates and classmates might or might not have something in common with you, but students who have chosen a particular activity or group to join are already showing they have that interest/activity in common with you when YOU join it. Friendships based on common interests beat ones based solely on proximity of being in the same dorm. Urge her to find something to join and then to commit to going and to keeping on with it long enough to feel she's really engaged with it. She should join based on her real interests, not on joining just for the sake of finding friends. Interest first, the rest can follow.

Also, OP, there's been too much emphasis on eating together in this thread earlier. Roommates don't necessarily go eat dinner together all the time, maybe not at all -- Roommates can have totally different class schedules etc. that mean they don't see each other except at night. And some students rarely go near a dining hall, or only grab takeout from colleges' small takeout spots (my DD's small campus has several little places that are solely grab-and-go food, as well as the big dining hall). I would not over-talk with her the idea that she should be focusing on mealtimes as social times, or it could create more stress for her around meals.

One thing you said in an earlier post concerns me. You said that kids from her high school are at her university and it's creating issues. What issues? Is she actually in some of her classes with kids who were at her HS, and that makes her...nervous, or upset? Are these huge lecture classes, so maybe she's overthinking it and doesn't realize they likely barely know she's there? Is she saying they're trying to interact with her otherwise? I'm a bit confused about these other kids. And I honestly wonder if those kids really are the issue, or if your niece is perhaps focusing too much on the fact they're present on campus, when they might have nothing to do with her at all.

But the best remedy is for her to join a couple of things so she has weekend activities every weekend to look forward to, and is engaging in something that is meaningful to her. Please update us! I feel for her. You're a good aunt to care and to want to help.[/quote]

These are some good follow up questions.  I am the PP with the kid on the medium campus. She has a hs friend there and felt like he was dissing her because he wasn't very responsive to texts she sent, but then she realized he was trying so hard to meet new people and forgot he wasn't responding to her. She realized she wasn't getting the cold shoulder when he came to her all stressed about trying to keep up with so many people. He clearly felt she was a close enough to let it all hang out with his stress. So, if (back to the niece) it seems like hs friends are disengaged or choosing new people,  it could be that they are feeling obligated to meet new people and counting her as all good.  I have no idea if this relates to her situation,  but it might be helpful to someone. My kid is glad she just came out and said something to her friend. [/quote]

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