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[quote=Anonymous]My mother is dead almost 10 years now but we were estranged for a dozen years before that. I talked to her about everything and she is 100% responsible for the worst choices of my life - she coerced, bullied, threatened me into them and I’ll be living with the consequences until I die. She was a covert narcissist and very emotionally abusive. Other people, including women my age who worked with my mother, have stories about how accepting, encouraging and kind she was to them when they were sharing issues in their lives. With me it was nonstop criticism and disappointment - nothing was ever good enough even when it was exactly what she told me to do. For years I denied myself the choices I wanted and instead made the ones she insisted on - by threatening to remove her ‘love’ and support if I didn’t - and in the end she still had nothing good to say about me. Except that years later I learned she boasted about my accomplishments to everyone else, as though they were all because of her. To my face it was just negativity and belittling, never ending - a classic narcissistic parent tactic.

My mother wound festers and while I do the work in therapy, it will never fully heal. You can never have another mother so it’s not really a fixable thing. I try to build relationships with people I can trust to encourage me while also giving good feedback and advice. But no, I can’t talk to my mother about anything - I never could, but it took me 30 years to figure that out. [/quote]

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