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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We pay for everything when family visits, whether it's parents/siblings/cousins. And they pay for everything when we visit. I'm Asian, and I've noticed that white families are more likely to go Dutch when dining out, going to the movies, etc.[/quote]

+ 1
We are Asians too and taking care of our guests is on us and I don't mind.  However, whenever my ILs, uncles and aunts, parents visit, while leaving they will give generous cash gifts.  So frankly, it all works out and no one is taking advantage of anyone else. Asians are by nature frugal but we treat all guests with warm hospitality and generosity.  In fact, reciprocity is very ingrained in us.

I have had to dial back on my cultural norms when I deal with White people because it is an individualistic culture. Earlier, I used to  feel hurt that they take, take, take all the time but they never ever reciprocate. Later, I realized that it is just their socialization. They will either take things for free or go dutch.  So, it is up to you to get over your hesitation and politeness and be clear about who is paying for what when dealing with them. [/quote]

+1 I am (East) Asian too but DH is white. I was surprised early on when we were expected to pay for our share, including groceries, when visiting SIL and BIL. We've never had to pay for anything even when visiting distant relatives in my family! Of course, we treat our guests too when they visit. My South Asian and Latinx friends say it's the same way for them.[/quote]

WASPS, not EE first- or -second generation American.  I can’t see my Italian-American friends making everyone pay either.  Just wanted to clear that up.[/quote]

Yes, you are quite correct. I have seen Greek, Italians and Jewish families being close knit, hospitable and inclusive. They are also quite generous to their family and friends and I don't think they make everyone pay either.[/quote]

What’s it called when my white husband fights my white father for who can pay if we’re eating out? 
[/quote]

You getting your fee fees hurt that you're not allowed to be a victim of racism? [/quote]

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