Reply to I just don't like my husband anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Most of the posters seem to focus on the sexless part of my post. When I was pregnant, I was extremely nauseous. I think many women experience some morning sickness but mine was the most severe amongs people I know. The last thing I wanted to do was have sex so I don't necessarily think he imposed a sexless marriage on me. During different times in the past four years, DH and I both were disinterested in sex. DH tries occasionally to initiate sex and I am just not interested. There was never a time in the past 4 years that DH rejected my advances. He is pretty responsive. Now that I am back to my old figure, DH is more physically attracted to me. Unfortunately, the feelings are not mutual. I am still disinterested in sex.

As some posters have suggested, I have become disillussioned with my marriage. Perhaps I was naive but I believed in happily ever after. I was a hopeless romantic. Before I met my husband, I had many suitors and a lot of options. I often got bored of men. DH swept me off my feet and we did live in bliss for many years. I'm not sure if he was the cause of my happiness but I was happy. We were both kicking ass in our careers and enjoying young professional life. DH was everything I wanted in a man. My parents loved him. My friends loved him. The natural next step was to get married and have kids. And that we did.

Much of the problem is that we used to be so happy. Maybe if we weren't so happy before, I would not feel such great disappointment.

I have convinced myself to stop disliking DH. I am trying to focus on his positive traits. At this point, I am neutral. I don't feel any strong emotions towards him. I believe this is a significant improvement as my blood used to boil when I would be in the same room with him.

For now, he is a good roommate and a good father. He is tolerable.[/quote]

Have you ever just responded because he is interested and because you want to make him happy? If not, why not? A book you might want to check out is "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". They really lay out info about female desire. Sometimes you might not think you are in the  mood but if you start, you might get in the mood really quickly. Having good sex could make you both feel happy and more connected. You are lucky he approaches you at all if you grudgingly find him "tolerable".

Anger kills loving feelings. Love is a verb and if you start making loving actions toward him things might really change. You'd have to develop a more mature attitude, can't so easily cleanly move on to a different guy when you are married with kids. You have a lot you should feel grateful for. Are you willing to give up your anger to be happy? If you committed to acting like a loving wife for 6 months, research shows that you'd be in a much happier marriage. Have you heard the expression "I'd rather be right than happy?"

My ex was a lot like you OP. Thought everything was somehow outside himself and owed to him. He was passive aggressive and didn't take responsibility for his actions and attitudes.

You might also want to check out "The 5 Love Languages" and have DH read it, it's quick. It's an excellent roadmap to meeting your partner's needs.

Do you want to model realistic skills for your kids as to how to be a happy adult and responsible parent and spouse or do you want to have multiple marriages and be bitter? You can't change anything in the past and I hear that you are hurt and want to hurt him back. That isn't helping anyone. If you could have something BETTER than you used to have, something sustainable based on reality, isn't that what you want your kids to have?

If you want to go to counseling, Andy Wald is good. [/quote]

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