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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to not respond to uncle, but you do need to be civil in the AM, coffee or not.  Stay in your room until you are ready to be polite.[/quote]

I guess I’m not understanding why it’s such a big deal to not want to entertain probing questions about life plans etc first thing in the morning.   I need to get out of my room because I need to get the kids ready for camp, make lunches etc so no I cannot hide in my room.  But I’m busy getting them ready and then trying to sip my coffee in silence, outside in the backyard or in a room where nobody else needs to be so I’m not imposing on anyone.  I guess I also don’t understand why this is an issue of overstaying our welcome since we were invited for even longer (we declined 8 weeks) and we are invited back.  In my opinion Its not really ok to ask me all the questions that popped into your head just because they popped into your head then and there(eg how’s my friend from high school doing), rather than waiting until our nightly dinner or some other time we spend together to ask.  [/quote]

It’s totally fine for them to ask you any questions that pop into their mind.  It’s not rude.  If you don’t feel like delving into it, is is so hard to smile and deflect, with a “not really sure yet what our 5 year plan is, mom!” Or “Stacy!  Wow.  That’s quite a tale, can’t wait to tell you all about her later at dinner when I have more time!  Speaking of which, do you need me to pick anything up for dinner tonight when I drop the kids at camp?”

It’s normal to talk to other humans during the day, not just at dinner.   Now when you are working, it’s fine to say nicely, “sorry mom, I can’t talk just now, I have to get this TPS report back to my boss right away.”  But nicely![/quote]

Hm I guess I disagree![/quote]

It’s never ok to be rude to your own parents!  Good grief.  You should treat them better than random people![/quote]

I disagree. They are my parents and should be the ones who understand the most that I need quiet time in the morning, especially if I say so.   I’m happy to chit chat other times.  Sometimes I wake up with a migraine and need time to adjust.  Some times I just have a bad night sleep and need to ease into the day.  If you can’t tell you parents what you need in terms of your own mental health and have it respected, who can you tell?[/quote]

You started by saying you just needed coffee before engaging in conversation.  Then it was that you are busy in the morning.  Now it’s a question of mental health? Come on.

And going to your parents house and telling them that they can’t talk to you until dinner is quite the stance. [/quote]

It’s all three and more sometimes.  Not sure why that’s so hard to understand.  But it’s fine we just all went to lunch together and had a ball.  [/quote]

NP.  I've spent several weeks at my parents' home the past few summers so on some level I think I can relate a bit.  My mom seems to think any moment I'm not changing a diaper is a great chance to interrupt whatever I'm doing to chat about whatever is on her mind (whether it relates to me or not).  She told my sister (who was staying with her another time) that my sister was always busy so my mom just interrupted any time she felt like it.  BUT, I do wonder if you've told your parents that you need quiet in the mornings.  I'm sure if you said "hey mom, I'm feeling a migraine coming, can we talk later" she'd give you peace and quiet.  Seeking you out when you're meditating outside is one thing.  Expecting them to tip toe around you in the kitchen while you sip your coffee and they make breakfast is unreasonable.

My mom also would think "well you talked to your kids as you got them out the door, I thought you were ready for the day."  Your parents might see you interacting with your nuclear family and think you're ready to interact with them.  [/quote]

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