Reply to I want my husband to "make up" with his parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel so bad for the husband in this situation. Could you imagine wanting space from your extended family, for whatever reason(s), but your partner thinks they know better than you so undermine you and force the relationship? This is the foundation of a very unhealthy marriage. OP, you do not know better about your husband and his extended family than your husband. Find the relationships you want for yourself and your children with other people. [/quote]

OP is the one who knows her husband best and acknowledges he is a bit of a jerk.  Sometimes the ones we love and the most and trust have to be the ones to let us know when we’ve been out of line, owe someone an apology, should reach out etc.  None of us is perfect but we owe it to each other to be honest and supportive.  It’s not always the situation that being supportive means stepping back, and this is one of the more unusual in law situations where I can see where OP is coming from.  [/quote]

OP is a spouse, not a mirror.  Sometimes her husband will be wrong and do things that negatively impact their kids and vice versa.  And it's the spouses job to try to point that out and fix that the best they can.[/quote]

So, you know better than your spouse? Like he/she is a child? So glad I'm not married to you with the martyr complex.

Btw, the best thing for the kids is for their parents to have a healthy, stable marriage. More important than other family relationships. That is the most important relationship to preserve.[/quote]

DP I agree with you about marriage.  I disagree that the best way to be a loving spouse is to never speak up when he is being a jerk to others.  You are a spouse and you are also a friend, and sometimes friends have to say the difficult but honest things you need to hear.[/quote]

Not in this case. DH is an adult. His lack of relationship with his parents is his choice. There is no guarantee if he had close relationship with his parents they would see the cousins, etc more or have a relationship with them. Most likely there will be no change. OP needs to stop meddling in things she does nit understand.[/quote]

If I am observing my husband being a jerk to his parents especially if that behavior is in from of my own impressionable children, I will say something to him about it. Privately of course, but I would speak up. And we aren’t just talking about his relationship with his parents, it’s also about his kids’ relationship with them and with their cousins. It’s not all about him.[/quote]

+1  Well said.[/quote]

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