Reply to DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m about to turn 52 and despite accomplishing a great deal in my life academically and professionally, I’m still a mess inside and still grapple with the clear truth that my father never wanted me and was highly annoyed by my existence. His attitude of course spilled over to my elder sibling and my mother so basically my entire childhood was deeply lonely, loveless and painful.

It’s really awful the things selfish adult people inflict on innocent children who had no choice about existing. Most kids are VERY aware of their parents feelings - parents who delude themselves otherwise are foolish and cruel.

Obviously I believe every child should be a much wanted and much loved child so my opinion on people who essentially coerce other people into having children they don’t want is not very high.

OP however you choose to go forward from here, you just need to know that your kid knows it is resented. So keep that in mind while you’re talking to your husband and deciding how to proceed. I should think that serious counseling is the bare minimum that you and your spouse should engage in as you work to meet the needs of the innocent lives you both brought into this world. Your husband has an obligation to work his shit out and figure out how to show loving acceptance to this kid because the breaking happens at a very early age, the attachment disorders are rooted in very early development and while a kid can seem okay on the surface they can be driven in life by this feeling of having been unwanted and that can manifest in serious issues in young adulthood on. And I know from personal experience that the rejecting parent trying to be a buddy later on won’t necessarily heal the pain or overcome that longstanding feeling of being unwanted. What is engraved on our brains in early childhood tends to be what shapes our sense of self and our core personality that shapes how we perceive everyone and everything.

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