Reply to what to do if your significant other can't or won't do your love language?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Boyfriend of 8 months is extremely kind, consistent, reliable, and genuine. He's not particularly emotionally expressive. We've shared about our love languages (his is physical touch and mine is words of affirmation). I'm really good about physical touch with/for him (both sexual and non-sexual), but he doesn't freely share his feelings about me unless I bring it up or ask.

He has said he adores me and cares about me after I've brought it up, but I don't want to have to ask for that every time and I've told him it's important to me. I'm also good about modeling it (I tell him he's means a lot to me, for example). [b]He's wonderful about giving general compliments such as, "you're amazing, you're beautiful, you're so gracious, etc".[/b] However, I don't like sharing my heart/mind/body with someone who can't or won't say how they feel about me.

Is the problem with me- are my expectations unrealistic? Or is this worth breaking up over?

[/quote]

NP.  I sympathize with you, OP, because I wasted over two decades begging my (now ex) husband to please, please, please compliment me in a way that would be inappropriate to say to his mother ("hot" instead of "nice" for instance), to no avail.  But what I'm confused by in your post is the line I bolded.  I would've killed to hear these things!  How are those not words of affirmation?  And if he's saying those things *specifically because* you asked him for words of affirmation, then he is definitely trying!  Which counts for a lot.  So perhaps you need to be more explicit with him about YOUR exact definition.  Because even as a fellow love-languager, I'm not clear on what would satisfy you.

If it's flowery language about how much he loves you, how he dreams of a future with you, etc -- that kind of stuff doesn't usually just come up in conversation naturally.  So perhaps you could ask him to do a concrete "task" (cringe, but hear me out) that would convey this in a way that would give him space to formulate the words on his own, such as by asking him to [b]write you a love note every Sunday with just a few sentences.[/b]  If it doesn't come naturally to him, he will need very specific examples, and I think this would be a good idea if he's eager to please you.  If he scoffs or slacks off, that's when I would tell you to give up and move on.[/quote]

There isn't a single straight man in the world who wouldn't find this stupid, contrived and too high maintenance for words. [/quote]

I am a straight woman, and I would scream and run if someone demanded this of me.[/quote]

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