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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not one sided in most cases, the women call the man a dud but they ignore everything he contributes to the marriage. [b]Most of the time he has a demanding job that tires him out and the woman is a SAHM or has a lower powered career.[/b] My ex fiance (who I broke up with) accused me of being emotionally unavailable when she had a huge amount of problems that required professional help and tried to make me her therapist. I don’t have the time, expertise, or desire to be someone’s therapist. She was a mess.[/quote]

Nah, that's a different dynamic. The dud DH's aren't the big earners, and often are the lower earner with the less demanding career in the marriage. That's a source of the conflict. If the man is going to be unambitious and make less money, the expectation is then that he do what a woman in the same position would do -- the heavy lifting at home and with the kids.

The dud husbands do neither. They don't clean, they don't do childcare unless explicitly told/asked, they don't initiate social plans or plan for the future. But they also don't work hard at work, are not ambitious and are never sole providers (a SAHM is rarely in a position to ditch a DH because then she has to go back to work and that's daunting).

Duds are the ones who WFH but somehow are never able to do school pickup, who sit around playing video games every day instead of hanging out with the kids or getting dinner ready.

They are... duds. They don't do anything. A man who is a high earner with a demanding job may pose problems in a marriage (maybe he's a jerk, maybe the couple is in competition for whose job is more demanding, maybe there are mental health issues) but he's not a dud -- he's contributing. A dud is a guy who makes his wife think "Ugh, this would be MUCH easier without him." Dead weight.[/quote]

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