Reply to 24 year old DD angry at her dad post-divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She will still have to sort out her feelings about the new partner, but it is horribly unfair if you don't set the record straight about the reasonings - on both your parts - for the divorce.  She needs to know that you wanted it and what your feelings were.  She also should know why your ex presented it as a joint decision to spare her feelings.

She might be grown, but you still need to parent her.  She's behaving like a brat to a parent who has been nothing but good to her.  Can she not share her feelings like the adult she's supposed to be and not shut someone out without conversation?  She can be angry without acting like a spoiled child.  Get her a therapist.[/quote]

+1.  The people who suggest OP was or is “lying” greatly overstate the case.  That the divorce was mutual was a diplomatic and defensible way to characterize it.  But it has been misinterpreted by OPs daughter in a way that is damaging her relationship with her father, and OP is really the only person who can correct the record.  Her ex will not be believed.  OP, I personally think you have an obligation to do so, to the extent you see your divorce as amicable.  That implies a continued obligation to keep it so, and even though you didn’t do anything wrong from my perspective, you are the only one who can fix this.

And let’s not bang too hard on OP’s DD.  Divorce at any age is hard on the children, and they are not responsible for it.  The aftermath often involves hundreds of hours of dealing with new people who they often don’t like, and they will never get to be with their intact own family again.  Yes, they must suck it up and deal with it, but some initial negative reaction is understandable and reasonable.  [/quote]

Was it defensible?  It seems like it was not true, and therefore it was a LIE.  Maybe with good intentions but still, a lie's a lie.  One of the most traumatic parts of being a child of divorce is realizing that your parents won't tell you the truth if they don't want to.[/quote]

I don’t think so from OP’s account.  She basically says that she asked for a divorce and her ex husband consented.  He may not have wanted it, but I think it’s fair to describe that decision as mutual.  There is of course some ambiguity, which created the problem with DD.[/quote]

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