Reply to How to forgive parents when they've never apologized?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ll never forgive my mother. But going no contact and the passage of many years have made it easier to not focus on her or the things that happened in the past. That’s what forgiveness is to me-just having it be more remote. If I start thinking about it, I’ll get very wound up.

I’m not sure it can get any more resolved than this, barring some miraculous transformation on her part.[/quote]

I am going to change one word in your post because this is what needs to happen:  [b]I’m not sure it can get any more resolved than this, barring some miraculous transformation on MY part.[/b]  When YOU change, then your "miraculous transformation" to your life will happen.  Not a second before then.

You cannot change your past.  You cannot change your mom.  You cannot change anything except you.  When you change you, then will you be happy.  Good luck.[/quote]

Please stop. This is not helpful to me. I’ve moved on and created my own life apart from my mom. She’s not a focal point. Things go up and down but I don’t need to do anything further [/quote]

DP (probably the one you ripped early on for not being helpful).

You do need do something further if you truly want to heal. You’re still carrying this around - *for what*? Put it down. What you want, which is a different past, cannot happen. Because something is not a focal point does not mean that it is impacting your life, your health, and your happiness. Like the tiny drip from the faucet that adds up to hundreds of gallons of water- that’s what this does. “Moving on 
“ and avoiding it isn’t the solution either if you’re still dragging the same dead horse to beat around every now and then. You’re so angry you can’t even see help and actually reflect on the words that are being posted here. Look at your responses - do you think you don’t respond the same way to things in real life? Is that how you really want to live?

You can therapy yourself all day, every day, but until you choose to actually accept that the course of the rest of your life is solely up to you, and that every day the things you continue us to carry their burdens is also your choice, then you’re gonna just keep on keeping on the same way you are. When you choose to make that change, then that therapy will actually help you build new tools to live life the way you actually want to. [/quote]

+1  Please listen to this person, OP.  Please.[/quote]

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