Reply to Worth breaking up over a birthday?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Worth breaking up over a birthday?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My guess is that most of the posters attacking OP have their birthdays acknowledged. 
(Cue the posters who will chime in to say how their birthday is just another day, they don’t expect to get any acknowledgement, they don’t need anything.). [/quote]

Exactly. How many people on this board post about how their spouse never acknowledged Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc, and their feelings were hurt. Better to suss this info now and address accordingly. [/quote]

14:50 here.  I didn't attacked OP but suggested she be more explicit in her expectations.  I've been married 20+ years.  My DH has not been the greatest at recognizing/celebrating me and, yes, there's been hurt feelings and arguments over it.  So I get how it feels.

I gently suggest that this is baggage that is bleeding over from her last relationship.  Even in established relationships there will be miscommunications and hurt feelings when one person hasn't given or hasn't heard a particular message.  Given the broad range of what people expect on their birthdays, it is not unreasonable for this guy not to realize just how strong OP feels about it and how much is riding on how he handles it.  OP is catastrophizing something that hasn't even happened!  That, truly, is an indication that something is off.

OP is perfectly within her rights to want to be with someone that she doesn't have to put effort into getting them to recognize/celebrate her birthday in the way she wants. [b]But, this is going to be an issue that she takes to every relationship she starts.[/b]  It would behoove her to do some work on herself regarding it.  I also suspect it isn't the only baggage she's carrying from her last relationship. (And, I mean this in a really kind way.  It totally sucks having these feelings.)[/quote]

Not if her significant other handles it differently. My husband and I aren't really into birthdays, but we start discussing them a few weeks before the day, just a "I was thinking about doing this for you for your birthday" or "is there anything in particular you would like?" conversation.

I definitely think OP has baggage about this, and you are so right, it's fine to have baggage about something. So I think that's why she is getting really nervous about what looks like a dwindling window for things to turn out the way she is hoping instead of just waiting and seeing. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics