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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. I admit that I do push my kids (now upperclassmen in HS who have each taken 12+ APs, had multiple jobs, perform at a high level in ECs, do substantial volunteer work, help around the house and manage their own laundry, drive, etc), but they are amenable to being pushed and always have been. We didn't use carrots OR sticks. We openly discuss how they are doing all the time. If they had mental, emotional or other issues around the goals set in our house, I think I would readjust pronto. It's not worth it because in the end, most people end up in the same place. I want to have raised kids that thrive in their own adult lives.[/quote]

There's different ways to push a kid. One is to teach them to have self-drive, ambition to do well in life, passion, desire to put out their best work, etc. Sometimes they may be having a lazy week or be a little timid about making a decision (eg. want to do volunteer work at a hospital but not sure how to start) and so you can push them by putting them in the right direction, suggesting ways they could start to look for applications, etc. Pushing in this way is good and leads to good outcomes in life, because the kid wants to seek out opportunities and do well for themselves - it's actually more so mentoring/teaching rather than "pushing". The post I replied to appears to be doing this, which is great.

The second way is under threat of punishment. Push the kid to do XYZ under threat of losing time seeing friends, phone time, car access, whatever. OP is doing this. And it is substantially easier than the above method of pushing/teaching, because all you have to do is use the metaphorical stick if the kid doesn't comply. Once the kid is free of the threat of stick, they will revert back to their true natures of enjoying life day by day, because they have never actually been taught to self-motivate and how to push themselves for their own future happiness. [/quote]

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