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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I definitely do NOT have $100k to hand over, so that isn’t happening. There are other less expensive houses in the same neighborhood, but sister really likes the idea of mom being next door for the convenience. I agree that is an important factor, but there is a house 3-4 blocks away that is much smaller and significantly less expensive so if mom, meaning mom would sell her current house and have $100-200K in cash for any modifications or updates or just to bank for future care.  My sister wants the house next door to her. If she AND my mom both want that I think that is their choice, which is fine, but it is not a choice I’m contributing $100k to, even if I could. Maybe that makes me sound cold and heartless. My grandma commingled finances with one of her children and then ran out of money. My mom felt my aunt pestered her for money towards the end of my grandmas life despite poorly managing my grandmas resources. My mom was a single parent so didn’t have much to spare.  I guess I fear the same thing happening here. I don’t think anyone has bad intentions. The complete lack of any plan and how buying a more expensive house now fits the plan worries me. My sister keeps saying the house is a great deal. I’ve shown her tax records and Zillow sales that indicate the opposite. She offers nothing but continued assertions it’s a great deal.  Maybe it’s a good deal considering it will make it easier for her to help mom, but she isn’t saying that. She thinks is a good price for the house but isn’t explaining why.

The suggestion up thread to preserve cash by taking out a mortgage was interesting. I’ve passed that along.  Someone else suggested calling a local senior care organization to get an idea of costs for in home care.  I’m following up on that. I’m NOT trying to make work for my sister by telling her to come up with a plan. I’m trying to help with a plan while still recognizing this should be my mom’s decision.  But in reality she’s easily persuaded and doesn’t want to plan. The  reality is failing to plan means doing whatever my sister thinks best because she’s local and will bear the brunt of mom’s care.

So far this week mom has volunteered a whole day at a local community center, had dinner with friends, gone for a walk with another friend, and tonight is at a neighborhood political meeting. She also is very involved with her faith community.  She has a decent social network here and I fear she won’t develop that quickly elsewhere. She fears that too having seen her own parents struggle socially when they made a move late in life. They ultimately moved back to where they’d raised their family.[/quote]

OP read this as someone else.  This is absolutely insane to spend that kind of money, money mom doesn't have so she can be right next door.  Bad idea all around.  DO't agree.  This is all about your sister, not your mom.[/quote]

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