Reply to Caring for Dying Parent - How Much is Too Much?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

So I feel guilty and awful.  Am I being a bad daughter?  Would you drop everything and go?[/quote]

No. You are not a bad daughter. You are no worse a daughter than he is a father. You are no worse than your stepmom or brother or your teen step-siblings.

I'm sick of people suggesting that women always handle this work. Where are the brothers, sons, husbands? Can you imagine people telling your brother to quit his job for his father?

OP - you could be just as angry at your dad's wife, so don't let her pull rank. I don't know why your DH would be so insistent.

I'm in a similar position, and guess what - your dad has agency and he's made his choice: not to move. You have agency and can decide to move, or not move. Has he asked you to move? If he hasn't, why would you even consider it? Maybe he doesn't want that. Listen, I know how easy it is to jump and try to fix things when you're used to it (raises hand) but sometimes when you get perspective you realize that you can't fix everything here. It's a bad situation, and he's got some responsibility for it. I mean his wife is leaving him when he's dying, and that was his choice to marry her. You have to accept the reality of situation, as does everyone else.

Ask your dad what he wants to do, and then you can go from there. Don't let anyone guilt you, and do not guilt yourself. Just grieve and be mad at the situation; don't use guilt to avoid those other emotions. No one can make you feel guilty by yourself.

I'm rooting for you, and am writing all of this for myself too. ;)

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