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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks so much everyone, just reading (most of ;)) the responses make me feel better. Venting can indeed be therapeutic!

To the person who asked what she was like growing up - she did pretty much everything in the house, no help and she still doesn’t have help.
At home she does everything, she’s a great cook, gardens etc but when she comes to visit us it’s like all of it is out the window and she can’t even operate a coffee machine (the same one she has at home!). I get that things are unfamiliar to her etc but given the situation we’re in I had assumed that when she offered to help it was sincere and would also mean her being willing to step outside her comfort zone a bit? What frustrates me is that she doesn’t even seem to want to try. In an effort to be more specific I asked her if she could take out the dog while I had a late night phone call, but it was “too dark”. What?!

A funny thing is that when we spoke before she arrived, I mentioned to her how overwhelmed (in a positive way) I was by all the friends helping out when the accident happened. I especially appreciated those that just did things - picked up kids from school, organized play dates, just made it happen etc. I didn’t have any ulterior motive telling her this and her response was - yes that’s how to be helpful, do very specific things. I’ll come help you. So I naively thought this would all work out well.

I just spoke to my husband about this. We have two options - be more specific with lists, figure out tasks she can do etc or just work around it as if she isn’t here and get more help from outside. My husband thinks we should just expect and ask nothing from her and work around it. I tend to agree, mostly because I fear that even with lists and specificity she won’t step up and she won’t help, and that will aggravate me more than not even asking her. This is a huge lesson learned for me! I’m glad I didn’t ask her to stay all summer..

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