Reply to Would you be friendly with SIL & BIL after they decided you are an awful family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow. What did you say, OP? Any opinion must take this into consideration. [/quote]

OP. In the group chat my SIL asked (suggested) that MIL could come stay with us for as long as there is a pandemic. MIL and SILs live in a large town, we live rural. They thought MIL would catch Covid quicker in a large town and die. I said no.

MIL is 90+ years old and she has dementia. She needs help with bathing, grooming, personal care and other things. DH was WFH full time during the pandemic and he locked himself away in his home office all day long, so the responsibility of taking care of MIL would have landed on my shoulders.

Our house is not suited to a fragile, elderly person with dementia. I don't feel I'm equipped to deal with this. Frankly I didn't want anyone living with us, neither from his family nor mine.

MIL lives in a comfortable town house and has several aides and helpers. My opinion was that she should stay in her own familiar surroundings and with a routine she was used to.
This, in a nutshell, is why my inlaws got mad at me.[/quote]

OP, as someone who went through something similar with FIL, don't worry too much about it. It's your house and your life. It's a lot to handle someone with dementia.

In our case, it took DH exploding on the entire extended family when they were sh**-talking us for not taking him in personally, etc, etc. I think they didn't want the responsibility. They were also only interested in pillaging the estate and not actually caring about him at all. Same happened with the grandfather to speed up inheritance.

I blocked/unfriended the ILs involved. We have no interest in them or being further harassed. What you do depends on what kind of relationship you have and want to have with your ILs. I don't want a relationship with mine and I ignore them reaching out as does DH. They've been consistently abusive (12y+ now) so there is nothing there for us or our children.

I would be cordial and I don't go out of my way to see the family member who wildly overstepped on my side. I just don't engage and focus my energy elsewhere. I don't take cutting people off lightly, either. It's just obvious to all involved that the dynamics will not change and it was bringing significant disruption to our marriage, health and happiness.

Don't apologize or rug sweep for speaking up though. They also owe you an apology for attacking you. Would it have been better to have your DH say it? Eh, maybe. But you'd likely have been the scapegoat anyway and this way they know you aren't a doormat and the attacks are inexcusable. 
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