Reply to Would you be friendly with SIL & BIL after they decided you are an awful family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow. What did you say, OP? Any opinion must take this into consideration. [/quote]

OP. In the group chat my SIL asked (suggested) that MIL could come stay with us for as long as there is a pandemic. MIL and SILs live in a large town, we live rural. They thought MIL would catch Covid quicker in a large town and die. I said no.

MIL is 90+ years old and she has dementia. She needs help with bathing, grooming, personal care and other things. DH was WFH full time during the pandemic and he locked himself away in his home office all day long, so the responsibility of taking care of MIL would have landed on my shoulders.

Our house is not suited to a fragile, elderly person with dementia. I don't feel I'm equipped to deal with this. Frankly I didn't want anyone living with us, neither from his family nor mine.

MIL lives in a comfortable town house and has several aides and helpers. My opinion was that she should stay in her own familiar surroundings and with a routine she was used to.
This, in a nutshell, is why my inlaws got mad at me.[/quote]

So they were entirely right that a rotating cast of aides and helpers put your fragile MIL at a dramatically increased risk of death. It was selfish of them to try to strong arm you into playing caregiver (realistically they could have done it in their large town with proper precautions) and it was selfish of you to leave her at risk (you really got lucky given that dynamic with caregivers). [/quote]
NP, here to tell you you are ridiculous to be criticizing OP. You clearly have never dealt with a person with dementia. Routine is extremely important to make them feel comfortable and slow the progression of the disease. Covid or no Covid, you don’t make a dramatic change in the elderly person’s life that is guaranteed to cause massive anxiety and almost surely spark a downward spiral.

OP, your only mistake was sending your entirely appropriate message yourself instead of having DH do it. I agree with others that these emotionally immature people seem to have come to realized their behavior was inappropriate. I’d let it go with the SILs. The BIL is different. Unless he apologizes for his attacks on you, I’d go out of my way to avoid him. It sounds like your DH did not demand an apology in the moment or after. I’m sorry. That really s*cks. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you. It was 2 years ago and by that time MIL had started sundowning and wandering around in the middle of the night. What if she had fallen down the stairs when we were sleeping? I can just imagine we would have been blamed for it.

DH never demanded an apology from BIL (his sister's husband) for attacking me. DH simply said that I'm a free agent and I can do and say what I like. To this day BIL has not apologized or even mentioned the incident to me, as if it never happened. As a matter of fact he hasn't spoken to me since though he has replied to some messages I posted on the group chat (unrelated). But mostly he doesn't reply.[/quote]

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