Reply to Tricky situation- new boyfriend's ex is sick

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[quote=Anonymous]As sad as your boyfriend’s ex’s situation is (note my word choice) I’d worry that you’ll be sitting around waiting on him to call.  Of course you can go out and do other things, but you know what I’ve mean, most of us have gone about our lives with one ear/eye cocked for the guy or gal you want to call you.  Do you want to live like that?  I wouldn’t.

I also worry that you’ll be reduced to an f**ck buddy, after all he’s just so tired and stressed, and you’re his “girlfriend” right?  Is this also acceptable to you?

A third option is that you’ll become an unpaid sitter for his kids, his house, his dog that sort of thing.

If it were me, I’d be out of there. Do you know his ex? Is she someone you’d want to help?  Will she accept you taking her to chemo or will she be “uncomfortable” with that?

If you and the boyfriend will be having the kids more often so it means that you’ll probably be taking the kids to the pool when you’d normally be going to a winery, that might be fine if you want that kind of lifestyle.  I’m married, so taking the kids to the pool is what I do on the regular, I’mnot sure I’d want to take kids that weren’t mine to the pool not when my kids weren’t present, not when I was looking for a different type of relationship, you mention dinner and clubs now, I get the sense you are doing some adult behavior that may not be compatible with children around. 
Bottom line, it kind of sounds like he wants to be back with the ex and cancer is a great excuse.  He doesn’t have to jump in 100 percent, not for a woman he has no legal relationship with.. might he still be married?  He also doesn’t have to support her emotionally or be her friend. He has you, why can’t he support you emotionally and be your friend? You matter too. You certainly don’t want to date someone who says “well you don’t have cancer therefore you have no problems” which is what looks like is about to happen. You matter just as much as the ex, and if he doesn’t feel that way, he’s free to end the relationship, something he isn’t doing. Reminds me of the adage “there are people who will f**ck you but not kiss you”. He sounds like one of those.

It’s also not lost on me that during the first normal summer we’ve had in 2 years, he’s prioritizing the needs of another woman and leaving you in a no-man’s (or should I say no woman’s land. You’re posting here, not talking with him.  He isn’t breaking up with you either, why not? He isn’t telling you what he would like from you, why not?  Believe me, he knows what he’s doing and it isn’t good for you. 
 
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