Reply to Tricky situation- new boyfriend's ex is sick

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask him what he needs/wants. Be open and flexibile to change. He might THINK he needs XYZ now, but in a month he might actually find out that he needs ABC. That's OK.

Don't get jealous or insecure. Be kind and generous at all costs. Send her food and flowers with your BF once in a while.

You know what? You'd do the above for your co-workers so do it for somebody important to your BF.

Have you heard of the ring theory? Your BF's ex is in the middle. Your BF might be a ring around that. You are a ring outside that. You always support inward, and dump outward. So your BF will be unconditionally supporting his ex. He might "dump" (emotions, chores, anger, etc) outward (toward you!). You are there to support your BF (he's a ring inside yours) and you will dump out to another friend or therapist (or DCUM) as needed. But your complaints do not go further into the ring.

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I realize the "ring theory" is a trendy internet thing, but it does not work for an actual adult relationship, at least not beyond a few weeks of emergency.

I think this all depends on what OP wants.  If she's ok with radically reduced expectations and just wants companionship a few times a month, then NBD.  If she wants a "real" relationship, and is not comfortable with a long hiatus, it's probably not this, not now.  Relationships especially at the beginning require a lot of time and he's just not going to have the time for her.  [/quote]

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