Reply to How do you deal with a 20 something daughter moving in with boyfriend?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my kids are in their 20s -- youngest is a rising college senior -- and I understand where you're coming from.  If any of my kids were to ask for advice on this subject, I'd say that it's easier to break up if you're not living together.  I'd also note that DH (their father) and I lived together before we were married and that I learned very little from that experience beyond what I had already learned from dating him for nearly two years after being friends and classmates for three years.  (Really, the only thing nugget of wisdom I gleaned during our co-habitation is that he sucks at doing laundry.  This is still true and the knowledge has been of lasting value.  We will not speak of my ruined Laura Ashley blouse.)

You'll no doubt note that I said "[b]if[/b] my kids were to ask for advice".  At this point in their lives, I do not offer advice unless it is welcome.  I will occasionally go as far as saying, "I have some ideas about that.  Would you like to hear them?"  I say this with a bright smile and a gentle tone.  Even so, most of the time, they say "no."  But remembering what I was like at their age, I am gobsmacked when they say, "Ok; shoot."

As a PP noted, the most important thing is to keep up your good relationship with them, so that if they do want advice, comfort, a kiss on the forehead, or whatever, they will come to you and not feel that you will say, "I told you so."  This is hard to accept, I know, because decisions your children make at this age can have extensive repercussions.  But, give them credit for being able to solve their problems.  After all, they are wonderful human beings whom you and your DH reared as best you could.  Yes, you made your mistakes; now let them make theirs.   [/quote]

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