Reply to People who offer to do things and then seem resentful about it

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[quote=Anonymous]This is NOT people pleaser behavior.

I think if this is a pattern for you, it's less about people pleasing and might instead be related to perfectionism or control issues. You have a hard time listening to someone complain about something or express feelings of frustration or disappointment. So you try to stop those feelings by offering to fix whatever is causing them. The resentment comes from feeling like you "have" to do this (you don't, no one asked) and also anger with the other person for not complying with your expectation that everything always be perfect and devoid of negative emotion. You also likely get frustrated when helping someone if they don't do exactly what you wanted or don't appreciate your help as much as you'd hoped. But again, these are situations where the person DID NOT ASK for your help. You offered. You are not entitled to have them accept your help exactly as you want.

It's like the parent who can't bear to hear their child struggle to figure something out, so swoops in to do it for them and then complains that the child is insufficiently grateful AND that the child should have been able to figure it out on their own.

If you have this problem, you need to learn that when other people complain or express negative emotions, you have zero responsibility to fix anything for them. Negative feelings are normal and most people will get over them with time. Even if they don't, it's not your problem and you can just let it go. It is not your job to fix other people's problems. Complaining to a friend about a problem is not the same as demanding your friend solve the problem and you need to understand that distinction.[/quote]

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