Reply to What do you think is the most ideal family set up?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a or b is best for parents and kids so best for overall family mental health/happiness.[/quote]

Agree. The other two might meet the needs of the adults (might) but with kids involved can create a lot of deficits.

Nannies and housekeepers are wonderful but do not actually replace parents. No child prefers a nanny and housekeeper to parents. Or if they do, that parent has broken something incredibly valuable. And this increases as kids get older. They need less of your total time but the kind of time they need cannot be performed by a nanny— they need parental love, support, guidance. There is no substitute.

Choosing not to have children is a valid, good choice. You don’t have to have kids.[/quote]

This is BS. C is an ideal scenario.

Housekeeping can absolutely be outsourced without any negative impact to kids.[/quote]

Didn't say housekeeping can't be outsourced. Just that a housekeeper does not replace a parent. Nor does a nanny. You cannot outsource parental love and attention. That doesn't mean parents can't or shouldn't work (I work). Just that I know for a fact that you can't outsource parenting no matter how much money you have. You have to be present. With C, one parent cannot be present and the other has to be the primary parent while working a full-time job. Even with help, that's hard. Sometimes your kids just really, really need you, and to not be able to lean on your partner, plus to have to balance it with work (even a flexible job) is really tough.

If one parent is working super long hours, traveling, working weekends, that means the other parent is doing everything else. On top of a full time job, albeit a flexible one. It might be okay for a while, but then both kids will get sick within a week of each other. Someone develops a special need. One of your parents dies and you need a mental health break. And that parent with the demanding job is not stepping back to help. You have help, right? Your job is the "easy job" right? I'll try to be home by Saturday. Meanwhile you are coordinating with the nanny, the housekeeper quit and you have to hire a new one, your grieving for your mom, and you still have to do dinner and bedtime with the kids and then check work email since you left your "flexible" job early to take one kid to soccer while the other was with the nanny.

There are things you can't outsource. Parenting is easiest with a partner, but barring that, at least a SAHP could focus on one thing at a time (and still outsource when needed thanks to spouse's income).

C and D both sound like hell to me -- tough on kids and parents.[/quote]

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