Reply to DH pushing me to be closer with MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just fake it, OP. That’s what I do. I dislike my MIL, she was awful to me when my husband and I were dating and was visibly upset when we got engaged. But now that he and I are married with kids, I maintain a superficial but friendly relationship with her. I talk to her about neutral topics - the kids’ interests, the weather, local restaurants, her crafting hobby etc. [b]It really doesn’t matter that I have no interest in talking to her at all. The kids love her and it makes my husband happy. It costs me nothing, keeps the peace, and ensures for low stress visits. [/b]

She does occasionally try to do things like offer unsolicited advice or talk politics (she is also a conservative and I am not). I gray rock in response - “hmm, I’ll have to think about it / that’s interesting” etc. She will never get an argument from me because honestly I just don’t care what she thinks. [/quote]

[b]I love your philosophy.  You're putting your kids and your husband ahead of you, and it costs you nothing[/b].  Well done!  Your husband made a great choice when he married you, and I bet he knows it.  I hope he does the same for you!

I think that only people who are secure in themselves and their sense of self worth are able to do what you're suggesting though.  So that may count out a lot of people in this forum, lol.[/quote]

I think this is a horrible philosophy and perpetuates the misogynistic/patriarchal view that women should sacrifice for their husbands and children first.  That pressures women to ignore their own needs.  It's unhealthy and imbalanced. 
 
The biggest issue I have with many of the responses on this thread is the expectation of emotional closeness with ILs.  The expectation should be one of civility and politeness.  If more comes of it, fine, but the social contract doesn't require OP to spend time one-on-one with her MIL.  [/quote]

OP’s husband asked for more time with MIL not one on one time.[/quote]

It's not just more time with MIL, it's more time one-on-one and closer.  In her posts, OP has said:

[i]"DH is pushing me to spend more time with her and develop a closer relationship"
"I can handle the group situations, it’s the one-on-one stuff that I really dislike."[/i][/quote]

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