Reply to DH pushing me to be closer with MIL

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "DH pushing me to be closer with MIL"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I find it a sign of low intelligence in women who cannot fake a good relationship with their ILs.  For me it shows lack of social intelligence.

Unless they are drug abusing, sexual deviant pedophiles, violent cult members who are basically felons...who you must absolutely avoid...I think that any DIL can basically have a superficially warm relationship with any kind of ILs (if you are not permanently living with them),  which can be   polite, drama-free and appropriate.

DH and I, often go to visit my ILs, which is usually a 4-5 hour visit.  A lot of the visit goes in being busy and helping with food and clean-up.  I will go and ask each family member how they are doing and a lot of   "mmmhmmms", "oh dear", "that's great" kind of non-committal replies later I am done.  I refuse to take offence if they say something sort-of rude and usually laugh it off and deflect.  My ILs, who were at one time against my marriage to their son, love me now. DH is amazed that I can be so social and nice to them and an IL visit is not a source of stress for me.

In reality, my ILs do not want a deep emotional connection with me. They just want a normal social connection with me.  They want to have a deeper and closer relationship with the son and grandkids.  I let all of these things happen because I don't have to be a package deal with their son and grandkids.

Just behave like a good guest when you visit them, make small talks, help out, keep busy...there is hardly any time and energy left for taking offense.  Y'all can't do that?  How are you surviving in the work place or the neighborhood? [/quote]

I agree with all of this. The responses to this are pretty typical of this board, which is full of people who think they shouldn’t have to extend any effort to be pleasant to the their spouse’s family and any spouse who talks to their parents about anything more than superficial issues is “enmeshed.”

I also question OP’s skills as a litigator if they can’t figure out how to interact one on one with someone just because they don’t have much in common. The “I can’t be bothered because I’m a high-powered litigator” vibes are strong; they can, they just don’t want to. [/quote]

Well said and I totally agree.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics