Reply to Where have we gone wrong, and how to do better going forward?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I was struck by your phrasing “they’ve been raised by us at home, no nanny or daycare.” This is phrased oddly, and I get the sense that this family structure is something you attach moral value to, that your kids don’t have care by anyone other than you. But what if for the particular kids you have, that family structure is not the best? What if you have kids who need a bit more social interaction, or a bit more interaction with caregivers who aren’t you? Is that something you could consider?

I ask because I do wonder if part of the grumpiness could be alleviated by more of a village. It’s devastating for a child to feel disliked by his parents, absolutely devastating. But one person was never meant to be the only or almost only adult figure in a child life. Humans are tribal by nature, with small communities being part of human child rearing for millennia. Could you put aside your moral views on childcare and consider an alternative?[/quote]

I agree with this. Since OP and her DH clearly don’t like their son, maybe it’s time for him to spend time with other adults who might. Or with kids (through aftercare and camps). Bonus: absence makes the heart grow fonder[/quote]

I’m the PP who wrote that, and I do not think they clearly dislike their son! But I do think that for a kid like OPs, more people will help.

I think personally that the SAH model can work beautifully for some kids, but for some kids, they and their parents need a larger circle. That is not “dislike” but it just means that for some people, needs can only be really met by a larger group. It’s normal and healthy, and it might help OP and her kid. [/quote]

This.  I didn’t feel particularly liked as a child.  I felt like I bothered my SAHM.  But she felt strongly about ever leaving me with “strangers.”  Thing is, I would have very much benefited from having others in my life who liked me and gave me attention.

If the child is being isolated and micromanaged by the mom, then I’m sure it’s not helping his behavior.  [/quote]

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