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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. So we host bimonthly cousin sleepovers. We hosted last weekend (when BIL broke the news), they are hosting this weekend. I keep telling her I'm happy to take the kids and/or cancel but she wants to host (says it will be a good distraction). BIL and DS are still living together. I'm not sure I can stomach seeing him right now at pick-up/drop off. Do I ask for him to not be there or suck it up and try to be civil.[/quote]

Nope. Nope. Nope. Do not send your kids over there to a volatile situation. It is not cool for her to use your kids as a distraction.

Also I wouldn’t feel the need to be civil to that horrible person. No need to yell at him or anything, but being civil is not something he deserves at this point. [/quote]

I tend to agree with this. Husband should skedaddle for the weekend and maybe you stay with her.

Like, where are the consequences to this guy? Seems like your sister is so invested in staying with him that she's overlooking how incandescently angry she should be.[/quote]
It’s kind of hilarious that you think him not staying home for the weekend with two extra kids (whom I’m sure he lives, but are still extra kids) is a punishment! If they are fighting, then don’t send them, but if they are being civil and trying to work through it, why would you punish the kids by canceling their sleepover? What would that accomplish? Again, OP, you are far too focused on YOU.[/quote]

I don't understand how asking about what I should do with the kids in the situation is being too focused on me?[/quote]
Because you said that you are not sure that you can stomach seeing him if you drop off/pick up your kids, should you ask for him to leave for the weekend. Maybe your sister wants him there, to try to keep things normal as possible for the kids or so at least she’s not worrying about what he’s doing, who knows. She might not want him there, but at any rate it’s not your place to ask him to leave his house for the weekend so you can feel comfortable. That’s what i meant by making it about you.

As well, if you aren’t concerned about your kids safety or health while there, maybe it would be really good for the cousins and your sister to have some normalcy, and presumably your kids enjoy it too. Your thoughts about cancelling are all about your feelings and directly contradict what your sister says she wants. If you are actually concerned about your kids, that’s a different story, but you only mentioned not wanting to be civil.[/quote]

I never suggested he should leave for the weekend (also it's only one night). My sister said something about how she still wanted to do the cousin sleepover and that BIL could "make himself scarce" at the dropoff/pick up. Other people are telling me it's crazy to still do the sleepover you're on the other side saying it's selfish not to? I was just looking for a place to vent and seek advice. Please be kind this is a lot to process.[/quote]

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