Reply to Does anyone feel a responsibility to dispell the myth that you can wait until almost 40 to have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been thinking about this topic lately as I am TTC at 34 and it's taking longer than I imagined.  I didn't "wait", but didn't find my partner until 32.

My very best friend in the world is 35 and has desperately wanted to settle down since she was in her late 20's.  She has an incredibly accomplished career, but really the one thing she wants is a marriage and children - and it's been so frustrating and hard for her.  She'd give her career up in a heartbeat for this, but she's just not meeting anyone.

My question is this:  She's 35 now.  I don't want to freak her out, and I don't want to hurt her feelings - but I've thought about bringing up the option of freezing her eggs.  I know how important a family is to her, and I know she'd never think of this on her own as she's so focused on meeting someone when she's not working.

Maybe I'll wait a year and see what happens.

[/quote]

If you are going bring the issue at all, do it sooner rather than later. In all likelihood, more than a year will pass before the the topic is brought up and the first biologically relevant action is taken. Also, the older your friend gets, the more (rather than less) comfortable you might get talking about the topic at all.

I also have have a very good friend who will soon be 44. A few years ago, I started pressing upon her to have children (not realizing myself it was maybe too late for her). She was reluctant at first, only to gradually become obsessed with it. I am now avoiding the topic altogether since I think her chances are slim and that she might resent me.[/quote]

That's a very good point about there being time between deciding to do something and actually taking action.  I always said that if Mr. Right didn't come by age 40, then I would look into adoption.  (See, I was one of those people who needed some straight talk when I was a younger woman!). Well 40 came, and Mr. Right didn't, but I was just then coming out of a long funk because of a horrible family illness, and I was going out and having fun again, and blah, blah, blah, and suddenly I was 43, and I hadn't even filled out the application yet, much less started the home study, interviewed agencies, etc.  I finally got on it, and hit the adoption jackpot at 44, but I was very, very lucky.  The process - bio or adoption- takes a long time.  Start early![/quote]

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