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[quote=Anonymous]Team DH. He signed up for a wife who had 50/50 custody of her kids.  Being willing to be a full-time stepparent 50% of the time with every other week to be alone as a couple and enjoy downtime is an *entirely* different prospect than step-parenting full time, of 85-90% of the time but with no predictable schedule, which is even worse.  It’s entirely redefining their relationship and their marriage.  And it’s not okay to decide that unilaterally and then belittle his understandable frustration and concern.

This is not comparable to an unexpected emergency like their other parent dying.  This is an entire change of lifestyle that he never signed up for and never agreed to.

When I got engaged to my DH, his daughter was going into her senior year in HS, and we had lived through a couple of years of upheaval with her mother’s volatile relationships which resulted in 50/50 custody being more like 12/14 custody.  I coped with it by keeping my own place because I could not and would not sign up for my life to be so dictated by the whims of his ex.  And when we made plans to officially move in together, I knew that the end was in sight and that my DSD would want her own place.  I know myself enough to know that I needed my own privacy at least half the time, and I knew our relationship needed the recovery time when she was not with us.

If we had dated and gotten married when custody was consistently 50/50 and then suddenly, for no tangible reason, I was all of a sudden in a joke with full custody of 3 children with no input in the decision to change custody, I would have divorced.  [/quote]

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