Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the long poster - we were both 23 when we got married which to me now seems unbelievably young. [/quote]

Yeah, the more I hear about this stuff, the more I think young marriage plays into it. It's like most issues. They don't really manifest when you are young. I mean, every teenager has a crazy libido so how can someone even know what they desire at 21 ish?

Like, if you think about college/post college: most people are slobs, drink a lot, stay up late, work a lot but don't have much career direction, probably are struggling to transition their friendships to adult ones, are still rebelling away from mom and dad, living far away from your family of origin. So it's probably impossible to see any red flags.

So you get married. Big day. Gorgeous ring. Beautiful.

And 
- that party guy turns out to be an alcoholic with *whoops* alcoholic abusive parents but you didn't even know cos you met them twice a year,  
- work a lot guy turns out to be a workaholic who never got any love as a child and is cold and emotionally unsupportive
- awesome sexy party girl turns out to be a childhood sexual abuse victim who turns sexless when the ring is on because of the unresolved PTSD
- laid back go with the flow guy turns out to be a slightly depressed lazy chronically underemployed man child 
- slightly stressed out type A guy with "big dreams" who turns into the critical control freak spouse who withholds sex for control
- good on paper lawyer guy turns out to be a passive aggressive, can't take criticism, argues constantly, douche who doesn't lift a finger but whines like a child if he doesn't get his way
- good on paper banker guy is a sociopath who chronically cheats
- Don't forget the randomly CRAZY families of origin who appear to bring their special brand of dysfunction (codependence, child abuse, financial irresponsibility, borderline personality disorder) and your spouse turns out to be totally enmeshed!

Hurray for marriage![/quote]

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