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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This both really resonates and contrasts with my experience -- also first generation Asian American with a similar frugal, library-filled upbringing, except (1) my family cared about grades and pushed us to "do what we love as long as it's in STEM (high paying/stable)", (2) parents made it to UMC in our teens and could afford to send my sister and me to HYP undergrad + grad schools, and (3) my dad in particular was not a particularly kind, social or open person to those outside our family -- I think being an immigrant with language struggles made him a bit paranoid, even though he absolutely prefers living in America.

While my sister and I are both outwardly well educated and financially successful adults, we have a lot of mental health / career / existential issues from our upbringing that we're still working through (and is partly what leads me to read DCUM forums like this even though I don't think it's very healthy for me  :shock: ). Luckily DH's upbringing was more like yours and we're hoping to build stronger, healthier values for our own little family. [/quote]

Maybe that's the difference between economic immigrants -- those who decide to come to America with a dream to become rich -- and those that immigrate because they dream of American values like democracy, freedom of thought, and self-determination. There are many successful immigrant businesses that require enormous grit and hard work, but require little integration with the larger society. I was surprised by how many Asians I met in in college whose families got wealthy with a chain of laundromats or gas stations or convenience stores.  If you come here just to get rich, you're a lot more likely to cling to "old world" thinking and counter the difficulties and discrimination you encounter with cultural defensiveness and immigrant community isolation.  But, if you come because you choose an idealized vision of American values over your native society and culture, you're going to reach for the new and put yourself out to experience all the things that America offers that aren't available back "home." Rather than fear what America will do to your kids and force them to fit into the narrow routes to "success" you perceive, you encourage them to find their own paths, however unconventional. [/quote]

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