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[quote=Anonymous]OP, does your DH ever take the lead on his family? Seems like you two need to sit down, talk through the request, decide what - if anything - you two can do, and then present it to your SIL. That includes explaining that the surgery can only happen @ x time if you and DH are going to host them for any segment of time.

Some DHs off load their own family caregiving on their wives. DH and I share these responsibilities, but we have a give and take relationship so it works. But I know a number of friends' husbands where the men expect the wives to handle all aspects of his family, even when it places undue burden on the wife and is affecting her work, mental health, etc.

To other PPs, I would find it hard for someone to be in my home and not feel at least a modicum of responsibility to host them. I would probably find that tiring if my DCs were as keyed up every night in the way that OP describes her kids. My DCs were pretty cooperative at that age and they also liked their sleep, so they didn't fight too hard on bed time.

OP, GL and keep us posted.

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