Reply to Found out today that my MIL deeply resents me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What did your DH hope to achieve by showing you the text? He is an idiot. [/quote]

Totally agree. Also, you don’t own your MILs resentment. That’s something she needs to work through. [/quote]

They are her feelings to manage, yes[/quote]

OP, you do not need to take on your MILs burdens - her feelings belong to her, not you. If she needs better coping mechanisms, that is on her.

My MIL has resented me since day one, SILs too, and they were nothing but judgy and nasty when I came into the family.  The fact that I was different was a personal affront to them. No getting to know me, just far-fetched and far off assumptions.  Their problem, not mine.

OP you need to realize that there were issues in the family before you even came into the picture. In MILs case, FIL did not respect her, and had zero regard for her feelings, just as a start. DH was given the worst possible idea of what a relationship looks like, from two very selfish, inward, cold people. I am not going to fix them, any more than you are going to fix your DH and his family.

Let them own their stuff - you stay out of it.  If she is a good grandmother - try to enjoy it as much as you can, without her crossing boundaries.  Boundaries are key.  My MIL said some terrible stuff to me when my kids were born, because she was not treated special when she had all her kids, and she wanted me to feel it.  This, and I suspect early dementia.  I did not and will not let her anger and problems (again, which existed well before me!) seep into my life, because they have nothing to do with me. Repeat this to yourself, often.[/quote]

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