Reply to If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why isn't it OK to be blunt with your spouse that their weight gain is unattractive? I think there is a large category of men who just let themselves go and their wives don't say anything. I would be pissed if my DH grew a beer gut, and I would tell him to lose the weight if he did.[/quote]

Did nobody ever in your life teach you the value of tact and that the things you say and how you say them have an impact on people? [/quote]

I value blunt honesty in my marriage over tact. My DH and I both directly tell each other what we want and we do our best to meet each other's needs. I find that system better than what happened in OP's marriage, where it looks like her husband just passive-aggressively sat around for years thinking his wife had become unattractive without telling her.  I don't see anything wrong with OP's DH saying he wants her to lose 40lbs. I would have a problem if my DH found me unattractive because of weight gain but waited years to tell me so. [/quote]

What if the blunt honesty was something like “you are a total dog and there is nothing you could do to change it and I’ll never be attracted to you again?” Some people genuinely think that about their partners, but I don’t think anybody would advise them to say it. Maybe you just love honestly but most people do better with saying things in a way that makes the other person stay feeling good about themselves.

Everybody is different but I’m of the opinion that my husband gets no say in my weight. If he really needs a thinner wife he can go find himself one. [/quote]

So is the topic of his weight off the table too or are you just a hypothetical sexist woman? [/quote]

* hypocritical [/quote]

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