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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for (most of) the replies. I was in a really bad mood earlier as I'm sure you can tell. I have also been in a crappy place emotionally lately and this is making the stuff with my DD extra hard I think. To be fair to my 3 year old, she is a delight for everyone else and gets nothing but glowing reports from preschool. So I suppose I should feel happy that she saves it all for me instead of spreading it out all over. :) I have noticed when I try to be more empathetic and loving she does better than when I am a strict disciplinarian. I must admit that being consistent is not my strong suit and something I struggle with daily.. not with discipline but just with routines, life in general, etc and I think if I improved that, it would help her. It does make me feel better to hear there are other kids acting out like her. I was always the kid who was embarrassed by other kids' bad behavior (anyone else like this?) and it is one of my biggest fears to have THAT kid. I need to focus more on the positive and less on the negative. Thank you again![/quote]

OP, if it makes you feel any better, my DD was like yours at that age, complete with the 1-year-old brother and the angelic behavior in preschool.  Over time I came to realize that she is actually way more intense than other kids.  Other parents complain about 20-minute tantrums but DD had 90-minute tantrums.  Things will get better as she gets a little older and develops more capacity for self-control and rationality.  What helped was things that other PPs have recommended, like

1.  repeating calmly "no one wants to hear you cry" and "you will not get what you want by crying" when the tantrum starts to give her the option of backing down
2. removing her to her room when the tantrum gets going
3. asking her to practice using her polite voice when she gets whiny

Things got much better when she was 5.  I wish I could tell you we had it all figured out, but just this morning I sent DD back to her room because she was being rude to her brother.  She came out smiling 10 minutes later, so I think the self-control has largely kicked in.  FWIW, my mother says I was the same way.  She believes I was acting out my need for independence before the age of 5.  My adolescence was a breeze, relatively speaking.  [/quote]

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