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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My almost 8 month old sleeps terribly.  We have always had to feed him to sleep and then transfer him to the crib, even for most naps.  Sometimes we have to feed him to sleep and then he will wake up in an hour or so and then we have to rock him.  His long stretch was between 2 to 4 hours.  He is also high needs and suffered from reflux until about 5 months.

At six months my husband started on insisting on sleep training.  I sleep in the nursery with the baby and my husband sleeps in the bedroom alone.  I was against sleep training but my husband is suffering from male post-partum depression and he felt that he needed me back in the bedroom with him instead of getting up with the baby all night.

I followed the book Precious Little Sleep and started with softer sleep training techniques.  None of it helped.  After that we tried extinction.  The first night he literally cried for three hours.  It was better some nights in that he only cried for an hour or so.  The crying did not get progressively shorter though.  Even when he cried it out he would only go down for a four hour stretch at most.  Some nights he’d be up 40 minutes after he fell asleep.  We did this for two weeks but overall there was no improvement in his sleep habits.  It was torture for me to listen to him cry.  My husband wants the baby to cry it out indefinitely which I think is cruel.

Since then, I have gone back to feeding my son to sleep.  Right now, he has no long stretch at the beginnig of the night but has sometimes gone three hours or so in the middle of the night.  I will admit that sometimes if he has no long stretches by 3 or 4 am I take him into bed with me and he will sleep in bed next to me.  He sleeps really well that way but I stay awake to watch him and keep him safe.  I know this is not sustainable!  Has anyone else had this experience?  Where do I go from here?![/quote]

You do whatever gets the most sleep. Nursing is not a crutch at this age. Pediatricians talk out their a$$ about nighttime feedings. There is so much good stuff that is provided in nighttime breastmilk and its completely normal to need to nurse at night for some kids.

You husband does not need you. He wants you. Your child does need you. Meet your child where they are. The more you pull away and push independence the more they will cling. You can erect boundaries in gentle ways. Do not limit feeds until water can be introduced in sufficient amounts. 2-8 oz is the limit for up to 12 months.

Try cosleeping. Follow the safe 7 sleep and look up Dr. James McKenna and his sleep lab. If on FB or IG find the group: beyond sleep training. Find your village and get support for moms who are struggling with kids that dont sleep well independently.

You cant make kids do 3 things: eat, sleep, or pee/poop. Once you accept that, you can find techniques to help you manage and/or slowly work towards the best outcome for all parties. [/quote]

Straw men abound in these debates and the idea that if you teach independent sleep, you can’t nurse at night is definitely one of them. We did independent sleep from the beginning - Eat-Awake-Sleep, put down drowsy but awake, swaddles. We had an independent bedtime (which I would define as a routine and then 0-15 minutes of crying, usually 0-3) way before we dropped the last night feed. We did a dream feed and a 4 am feed (usually, at her direction) for a while after that.

One of the dynamics here is that hold/nurse to sleep and then all of a sudden they do CIO and it works but it’s a little traumatic. If you’re doing independent sleep from the beginning, it’s a much smoother transition. But possibly more work and maybe not even feasible if you have multiple kids and need to wear for most naps. [/quote]

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