Reply to "My daughter is my best friend"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom became my best friend once I was an adult and realized that - at the end of the day - everyone but her was going to let me down in some way. Everyone but her was ultimately more concerned about themselves.

But no, she was not my best friend when I was a teen. [/quote]

This is precisely what I want to be for my DD as an adult. I mean, I don't want everyone else to let her down, but I know that in life, most people will put themselves first (obviously) and that it is a rare person who will prioritize you. My mom didn't prioritize me either (not entirely her fault, she was abused as a kid and I just don't think had the capacity to be that kind of mom) and my adulthood was pretty lonely until I got married. I also was a pretty needy adult for a while because I was subconsciously looking for that type of relationship in friends and boyfriends, and that's just not how those relationships were ever going to work.

So I'd like to be that for my DD if I can -- the person who shows up even if other people don't.

I do agree you need strong boundaries with kids though. But I would argue that thinking of your DD as your best friend is easier than thinking of your mom as your best friend when you are a teen. Teenagers tend to have pretty intense, close friendships because they spend so much time together and that time in your life is intense. I think it would be a little weird if a 16 or 17 year old was closer to her mom than her friends because friendship is so important for this age.

As a 40-something mom, I have lots of friends, some I've had for decades, but friendship has a different, looser, much less intense quality at this age. I mean just going on time -- I see most of my friends maybe once or twice a month at the very most. My DD sees most of her friends daily, she texts with them all the time. It makes sense that she is a more important figure in my life than I am in hers right now. I'm not offended! Doesn't change how I feel about her.[/quote]

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