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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I'd dive into some Virginia Sole-Smith.  She had a podcast episode recently with a family therapist, and eating disorder expert about a similar concept.

Basically, YOU need to do the hard work to deconstruct all your own fat phobia.  You clearly see fat=bad and thin=good.  So of course your daughter does as well.  This isn't' shaming, most of us have this problem!  But it's incredibly damaging to young girls.

Here's a good place to listen, or just read the transcript:

https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/if-my-daughter-wanted-to-eat-healthier?s=r[/quote]

OP is not fat phobic and there is absolutely nothing in her post that suggests this. There are a lot of posters who are breezily saying she is to focused on looks and there is a very high chance they have never ever had a child who came home and said they were being teased for being fat and in fact, they were overweight.

Right or wrong, in the real world, we still find that being overweight is not well accepted. It’s normal for a parent to worry about this for their child.

A pp mentioned she was chubby and wished her mother had actually taught her better healthy eating and how to exercise. And I was a chubby kid too who wishes the same.

The OPs DD knows she looks different than the other girls and her mom telling her she is beautiful and to ignore those people is not the most helpful advice for a tween. How often do you recall that you were really able to do that as a tween/teen? Few of us really could.

Looking back now I remember talking to my mom and telling her I hated being fat and I was ugly and so on and she would say that I was beautiful and then go on to say how I could lose weight. She wasn’t mean about it and she was well meaning but I realize now what I really needed and wanted was for her to acknowledge and say yeah I bet it does make you feel bad and yeah this is a real struggle it’s hard and those kids are mean and it must hurt your feelings and just let me have negative feelings without trying to fix it in that moment.  I think not being able to process the negative emotion probably contributed to me overeating to help make the negative feelings go away. [/quote]

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