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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Y'all if you have Boomer parents there is a good chance you are still dealing with multi-generational trauma caused by WW2. I'm serious. It's not every family, but it's a lot of them. A whole generation of men were traumatized by that war and then came home to a culture that offered nothing in the way of mental health services but was happy to overlook domestic violence and alcoholism. So that traumatized their wives and kids (the Boomers). Some of those Boomers figured a way out of this trap but plenty did not, so Gen X and many Millenials often grew up in families where people never got treated for depression or similar issues, and "parenting" consisted of demanding certain behaviors and then hitting or punishing your kids when these rules were not followed. There are so many parents with young kids now who are basically the first generation of their family to be parenting in an era where hitting your kids is not merely taboo but actively prosecuted, and where there are real resources available to people dealing with trauma and mental illness.

A lot of these people don't want or trust their parents to provide childcare to their kids. A lot of their parents can't do it anyway because they continue to struggle with having been severely abused by alcoholic parents as children, in a culture where that behavior was totally normalized (and now watch their own kids parent in a totally different way and maybe having it dawn on them for the FIRST time that their childhoods were messed up -- think how disorienting and upsetting that could be for someone in their 60s or 70s!).

If you would rather hire care for your kids (and can afford it) rather than utilize grandparents, do it. Whatever is right for your family. And if your parents are simply unable for whatever reason to provide that kind of care, it's okay to mourn that a bit and then move on. People have this idyllic idea in their heads of the doting and involved grandparents and while of course those exist, they are not the norm. If you don't have them, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. Generational trauma is real and can impact families for a very long time.[/quote]

+1 I think a lot of this is spot on. Decades ago, many families rejected the idea of therapy. It's only for "crazy" people. And in some cases, well, you should just pray the problems away, right? My parents were raised by people who were good, decent people, not horrible at all, but flawed and needed help. They raised their kids with that mindset-- so, of course, no surprise that my parents always rejected help, too, and saw going to church or praying with friends as help. Well, friends aren't therapists and repeating prayers can be calming but may not fix OCD and anxiety and NPD and the need to control other people.

That said, now in their 70s, my mother is an anxious mess and my father is angry at the world and has no self-awareness. Therapy would have been helpful for both. When they visit they introduce their crazy into my house and we have to be careful to not let it set in by setting very strict boundaries and cutting visits short. Yes, they're loving in their own way but not always very healthy for the kids. An afternoon here and there is fine-- a week, not so sure. [/quote]

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