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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has two daughters from a previous marriage. The girls are 14 and 16 years old. Custody is 50/50 with the ex-wife, the girls come over Thursday after school through Sunday evening. It's been the same schedule for the past 10 years, since the girls were younger. And super close to them and I treat them well because I love them and I want the best for them always. Dh and I have two girls, age 12 and 10. The kids get along and we treat them equally all the time. The only difference is my parents don't seem to want anything to do with my step kids. We try really hard not to have my parents over when the girls are with us. My parents asked to take my girls to Paris for spring break, and I refused unless they include my step kids. Dh said we can take them somewhere else and make it special.  I disagree. My 12 year old called out my parents and is refusing to go. What's our next step?[/quote]

My two cents:

I think by trying to have your parents over when the other two girls are away, made the problem worse.  It means that your parents never have a chance to develop a relationship with your step children- so after 12 years, they don't have a relationship.  It doesn't mean that they would have had a more positive one if they had been around them, but it means that they never had a chance.

I think the next step is with a trained professional that can work with you and your DH to figure out how to go from here. This is not unique and there should be people who have seen this before to help you get to a place where you are happier with the situation.

You say that your older girls see their maternal grandparents over breaks and in the summer.

Since your parents have provided for college for your two biological daughters, it makes it easier for you to fund college for the other two.  So, there is that.  Same if they add money to future expenses like weddings or down payments.

Historically, how did your parents react when you started dating and married your DH?  How did they react to him having a 1 and 3 year old? [/quote]

+1.  His daughters were very, very young when he ditched his first wife for you, and created two additional children in a short time.  [b]So, he had 4 daughters under the age of 6 with two different women?  [/b]That gets complicated fast.[/quote]

Haha! I can see why OP’s parents were wary of the situation. They probably figured the guy was flaky and they’d probably divorce too. I can see why they didn’t want to get too attached to the stepdaughters.

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