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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't assume they want to follow your traditions[/quote]

Yes this is big.  Don't act SHOCKED when they do something slightly different at the holidays.  Encourage your family to try new things because you have a new family member.  Add in the new family member's traditions if you can.  My MIL was so dismissive about things like this during the first 2 Christmases I spent with my in-laws.  And damn it hurt.  I was really emotional my first Christmas away from my family (I was 30, and we'd just gotten married) and I brought a special dessert that we always have.  The next year, when I brought it again, my MIL didn't remember and acted annoyed I'd brought something new.  It was 15 years ago and I still remember how hurt I was that she couldn't remember this one silly little tradition my family had.  It's a small thing really.  But I have extended family who ask about this dessert because they know we always have it around at Christmas!  After that I stopped bringing it when we celebrate with them.  It's a silly thing really, in the grand scheme, but if she had been gracious and accepting of it, it would have meant a lot.  Of course there were plenty of other issues around blending families, and this is just one small example.  But it encapsulated her entire attitude that I was an outsider who had to get to know THEM.  And that my own family, my own life, did not matter while I was in THEIR house.

The only reason I'm grateful for it is so that I can remember to be an open, loving and gracious MIL one day.  [/quote]

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