Reply to I am a legally married gay mother of 2. Ask me anything

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[quote=NotSoAnonymous]Q:How do gay female couples generally handle having children? Do they usually adopt or use a sperm donor?

How does engagement and marriage work? By that I mean, I knew a gay couple who was engaged/living in a state that did not have marriage equality. Do some couples choose to have a ceremony only? Do they wait until gay marriage is legalized by the state? Do they get married in a state that allows it, and is the marriage recognized in other states?
  
A:  We used an ID consent donor. I would say sperm donation is the most common route as there are many roadblocks to adoption including unfair laws and also money. Two couples I know adopted- one internationally and one with multiple kids from an open adoption.

Engagement works like with everyone else. Fall in love with "the one" and pop the question. We married in DC in a legal civil ceremony but have friends who were married in their faith communities without a civil contract.

Though my marriage is recognized by 8 states and DC, it is not in Virgina nor by the Feds. This means that while my straight colleague went and had the exact same marriage with the exact same license- his opposite sex spouse is eligible for survivor benefits from his pension, his family is covered under his insurance, his kids are recognized as his dependents. His wife and kids are eligible to collect social security death benefits. Etc etc. I obviously believe this is unfair. [/quote]

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