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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think I have a lot of mom guilt. I am generally a confident person, but I actually have more guilt/anxiety about other parts of my life than I do about parenting.

I think there are a few reasons for this. [b]One big one is a mindset that really helps: My kids getting the best possible experiences all the time would be BAD FOR THEM. I'm not trying to raise children, I'm trying to raise adults, and adulthood is full of things, well, sucking some times. So while other people might focus on the fact that disappointing your children or not always doing what's best for them is unavoidable, or that you're doing the best you can, for me, I take the other perspective. It is NOT GOOD for your baby to be with you every single weekend. They need to adjust to life without you. They need to adjust to other caretakers. They need to adjust to not always getting what they want. It's also NOT GOOD for your kids to always be able to go on grand adventures. They need boredom! Routine. Time to entertain themselves. A little day-to-day drudgery, because day-to-day drudgery is part of life. One of the reasons that only children can be (can be! not a guarantee!) a bit spoiled, is because their parents don't have to make the kids of trade offs you're talking about. Those trade offs, and some times "loosing" them is good for them![/b]

Some people will say this is cold. But I disagree. It's LIFE.

The other one that helps I think is: I have a lot of faith and confidence in my kids, even the baby. They can do hard things! I think this perspective helps a lot. Your kids can entertain themselves while you take care of the baby. They can come up with their own adventures. They can create their own life of meaning and wonder, even if you never take them on adventures, because they are strong, brave, competent kids. And your baby is strong, too! She can handle a weekend without you! It might be hard for her, she might cry more. Her routine might be off. But have faith in her! She'll learn. She can handle it!

PS. This all works because objectively, taking a step back, I'm a good parent, my kids are well cared for, well loved, and have great lives. I'm taking for granted that this is true for your kids too, and that intellectually, you know this, and this is about dealing with emotions when you're in the thick of it. Obviously if you're like "I feel guilty my kids don't get food sometimes and I beat them" well, that's very different and you should listen to that guilt! [/quote]

I totally agree with this.  People always ask, how can I make my children more resilient?  Well, resilience develops when we have surmountable challenges and stressors in our lives.  We learn that we can handle hard things when we deal with and survive hard things.  Too many parents try to shield their children from every possible discomfort.  It is healthy to not get everything you want, to deal with discomforts, to be bored, and to have less than the next door neighbor!  These are all a part of the adult world, and it's best for kids to learn these things when they are young and consequences are small.  For the vast majority of mankind's existence on this planet, parents did not revolve their lives around children the way they do currently.  I don't think it's a coincidence that kids are becoming less mentally healthy despite child-centric parenting becoming the norm.[/quote]

Agree 100%. Let your children be frustrated sometimes. Let them be disappointed sometimes.[/quote]

This is so true and something I have really realized in the past year. My kids are very different and it’s a struggle to find things they both like to do and there is a lot of compromising to meet various needs. And my oldest in particular needs to be practicing that at home not just at school. She needs to see my needs matter and her brother’s needs matter. And she needs to see me make mistakes and live with them (this is the key even more than the others if I’m being honest).[/quote]

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