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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got pressured into driving halfway across the country with a three week old and if I had to do it again, I’d have waited until 6 weeks. It was too soon for me. The baby was okay but I wasn’t. And my ILs didn’t get this at all— it barely occurred to them that I was still recovering. They only cared about the baby and they wanted all their friends to come see her. They threw a big party with dozens of people even though I’d expressly asked them to keep things small for my sake. My MIL kept getting mad at me for “hogging” the baby (I was feeding her, plus holding her in those early days helped me with my PPD).

That visit did years off damage to my relationship with my ILs. I felt pressured to do it and then mistreated while I was there. I was still bleeding from childbirth and struggling with mental health. No one cared, they just wanted to look at the baby.

Do what feels right for YOU, OP. You are a new mom and need to take care of yourself. Especially if the people around you aren’t taking care of you.[/quote]

I could have written something very similar, right down to the part about it damaging my relationship with my MIL to this day. She made everything about her becoming a grandmother to her first grandchild, and treated me as a nuisance who was standing in the way of her snuggling her grandson. At one point she said “not yet, I’m not ready” when I asked her to hand him back to me so I could feed him- I was recovering from a C section and still in the hospital , so getting up and taking him back was not a realistic option. [b]We also drove 4 hours to visit them when i was 3 weeks post partum - from a c section[/b]- and she said at the end of our visit “I know this was probably very difficult for you physically but it was all worth it to me to have my grandson to myself all weekend.”

She also was cooing at him once and cooed “when you’re older and you hate your parents you can always come stay with grandma.”

When the second one came along I was wiser, and she knew it, and she walks on eggshells around me now. But it’s too late .[/quote]

What in the Sam Hill made you acquiesce to such a request? Extreme people pleaser?[/quote]

I was hormonal and sleep deprived and wasn’t even thinking. It was for SILs baby shower and we were told many times how important and meaningful it was for us to attend, and how hurtful it would be if we didn’t. If I were in a saner state of mind I’d have said no, but, I was so out of it. Again- when the second one came along I was wiser.

By the way, when someone says they were pressured into something when they were in a vulnerable state, and your response is “well why did you allow yourself to be pressured into that?”, you should look at why you blame the post partum , hormone filled, anxious new mother and not the person doing the pressuring.  This applies to many settings , such as being pressured into sex when drunk for example. Be better. [/quote]

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