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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife and I have a very close relationship with her parents (my in-laws).  They are very easy going, simple, positive personalities, etc.  I feel as if we can call my in-laws and ask, "hey, are you free - want to stop by?"  They'd say "sure", and could be here within the hour if they were available.  I also don't feel like we need to clean up the house, as they're not judgmental people and understand that not everything needs to be a production or a "show".

My parents on the other hand, are the complete opposite.  They only have maybe 2 friends, they don't socialize with neighbors, and overall - [b]they're just "odd" people. [/b] Anything they're asked to do, you need to typically plan way in advance (a week or more is ideal), however, things like, "who's hosting Thanksgiving", you better put a stake in the ground on that question 1 year in advance.  If my parents visit our home, they're the type to point out something that's dirty, or make an indirect comment about something being dirty and acting as if they never said anything.

The dilemma I have is that my in-laws and my parents both adore our daughter.  My in-laws make every attempt to see my daughter, whether we ask if we can visit them or they ask to come here, etc.  Bottom line, we see my in-laws on a weekly basis.  My parents on the other hand, we might see them once every 2-3 months.  They NEVER ask if they can come see us of if we can come visit them, but it's almost as if it's expected that I [b]will always initiate the question of "would you like to see your granddaughter?"[/b]  Just today I asked and they said they don't have time, that they already have plans to watch the ballgame (this being, they're going to sit in their basement and watch the Washington Redskins play the football game at 1PM.  I find this odd, it's almost as if they prioritize a sports event over their grand-daughter, yet, they claim their grand-daughter is the best thing in the world.

My parents also refuse to interact with my in-laws, stemming back to an event they claimed that happened at my wedding almost 10 years ago.  Apparently, my father-in-law never "thanked" my parents for coming to the wedding, so they claim he's rude and have no interest in interacting with him.  [b]Personally, I don't see why they were expecting a "thank you" for an event that he paid for. [/b] Additionally, I did comment to my mother that it's possible he did say thank you and she didn't hear him since she has horrendous hearing and refuses to wear her hearing aids.  Point is, it's ridiculous and they need to get over it and move on.  Also, both of my parents don't care much for my wife and my wife - well, she hates them.  I'm not particularly fond of my parents, but I'm trying to put on an image as I feel its in the best interest of my daughter and anything that occurs with my parents, is always gossiped to the rest of the family on my side.

Personally, [b]I think some of the grudge is based on the differences in lifestyle[/b].  My wife and I are very tech-savvy, upper-middle class, well educated, white collar professionals.  My in-laws are the same.  My parents, well, father was a HS graduate and worked in a blue collar job and loves his union.  My mother dropped out of HS early to be a mother and feels her role is to cook/clean and support my father.

I feel like I'm in a very awkward situation and there really isn't a simple solution to it - and this will just be the relationship I need to juggle for my entire life.  Jokingly, I did mention to my wife that the only way we can remove ourselves from this situation is by relocating somewhere out of state, given that we're now local to all family members.  (this is not feasible, due to the nature of the work we do here in the DC area)

I'm curious and would like to receive some opinions on this from others.  What is the issue with my parents?  How do I handle them?  Should I stop asking them if they want to see their grand-daughter and just wait until they ask?  Based on their personality type, if I wait for them to ask and they finally ask, they will likely make some smart-ass comment to me and the rest of my family will agree that I was in the wrong for not asking them sooner, making their lack of socializing with their grand-daughter, my fault.[/quote]

There really is a simple solution, it just depends on whether you want it or not. You have to accept that you need to improve your own social skills and you have to start liking your parents.

Maybe your parents are odd but they are your parents and you don't seem to indicate they were bad people or treated you bad or they are toxic.  Sure you want them act a different way but they have probably thought the exact same about you throughout your life.

Your parents don't care about being thanked, they care that they couldn't pay for the wedding and they feel less than. And it's likely that your better lifestyle as you said reinforces this feeling each time.  You don't even notice but every time you all are together with your in laws, you talk about whatever new trapping or gadget you have. It's a subtle dig but you think well we are just making conversation. Sometimes you are but it devolves into exclusion. It's just you don't notice anymore because in a way you think if you keep leaving them out they will want to know about those things, learn about those things and then not be so odd anymore. And then it doesn't happen and each interaction, each get together makes your parents feel a little bit more behind, a little bit more like they failed, and a little less like seeing you because who wants to do that.  Instead, and this is where the social skills you need to work on, take a minute during these discussions to pause and think is this conversation being inclusive to those in the room, could this make some feel awkward, and if the answer is yes start working on the skills to shift the conversation to something else in a less obvious way.

Your parents think it rude if they call and invite themselves over. Just read posts on this forum to understand that some people are ok inviting themselves and others feel it is rude and one should wait to be invited.

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