Reply to Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.[/quote]

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.[/quote]
Yes, but I'm an extreme outlier who accidentally stumbled into a high-paying career, because I gained skills in grad school that later blew up in the job market. The bigger point is that men want something that's kind of impossible.[b] Highly-educated, high-earning DW whose job doesn't really impact her ability to take care of the household.[/b]

Astonishingly, there are many resentful women on a board like DCUM which is full of highly-educated women.[/quote]

I am that unicorn with the unicorn job.  Both my spouse and I realized early on how good it was.  It's getting easier to find with the way telework has taken off, along with job flexibility or more parental leave--like govt. actually paying 12 weeks of maternal leave (I had it unpaid.)[/quote]

The bolded really nails it on the head. I'm sure in a perfect world, that is exactly what my DH would want for me - a high earning, low stress 40-hour a week job so that he wouldn't have to step up. Unfortunately those jobs are pretty rare in the law. As it stands I'm like the OP of the original comment; I could have pursued much higher paying jobs (counsel/income partner in biglaw, with maybe a track to equity partner) but ultimately I went in house since it allowed me to still effectively manage the household and actively raise our two kids. Even still, I outsource a lot, and we have family help nearby, but am still exhausted all the time, so I really have so much admiration for women who do all of this with far less help. [/quote]

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