Reply to Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

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Reply to "Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Need advice. I've been dating a guy casually for 3 months- he takes me out 2x a week on proper dates and we have a great time. We're both 40 and divorced.

We are sleeping together but have not had the "exclusive" talk until last night. We had the talk to define the relationship, and both agreed that we want to be in a committed relationship and boyfriend/girlfriend.

However, he told me he needs a little time to "wrap things up" - get off the dating apps (which we met on), and break things off with the other people he had been dating. He said he needs 7- 10 days to do that. I said that seemed kind of long and I asked specifically what that meant, and he was transparent and said that he has been seeing two other women who are really good people, and he owes it to them to meet in person to say that things aren't going to work out between them.

I told him that I thought a phone call to them would be normal, but he insisted that he needs to at least meet and have coffee with them.[u] I told him that something doesn't feel right to me, and I don't know if this is a good way to start a serious relationship.[/u] He said, "I think you're overthinking this...[b]and I'm being punished for being transparent.[/b]"

What do you think I should I do?[/quote]

Can I also flag this?  Why is he saying that "he is being punished for being transparent"?  You had concerns and you voiced them, and this sounds like gaslighting to me, nevermind who is right about in-person vs phone call breakups.  I don't like that he used the words you are punishing him.  A bit extreme to me and could be a harbinger of how he deals with things you disagree on in the future.  I also think that manipulative responses like this don't bode well for a person's intentions IMO.[/quote]

To me, it sounds like she was threatening to not become exclusive with him after all if he breaks up with these women in person as he prefers to.  I agree with him that OP is trying to punish him for being honest.[/quote]

PP here.  I just don't agree.  She didn't directly threaten him -- she said her opinion was that a phone call was ok and she was concerned about starting the relationship this way and it didn't feel right.   Not sure where the threat is...  Twisting those words and assuming they are a threat/punishment is the fault of the receiver.  [/quote]

Completely disagree.  Crazy how this guy can be so honest with her, at her command, to his own detriment, and still be spun up as a villain by OP and some of the people on this board.  He said point-blank he wants to meet them at least for coffee to break up.  He knows them; he's been dating them; this is how he feels he should behave to end the relationships.  But if he doesn't do as OP commands - "a phone call would be normal" then he's a manipulative "gaslighter" who's going to sleep with everyone and get her an STI?

Cool, cool.  [/quote]

You just wrote your own ridiculous, exaggerated version of this story ("honest...to his detriment" "being spun as a villain"???  LOL).   You sound like an incel. COOL COOL.[/quote]

He was honest, and it has been to his detriment.  You're calling him a manipulative gaslighter, villain was just quicker to type.  I'm a married woman who is watching OP get terrible advice and kind of fascinated to see how this guy could do everything and anything that Dear Prudence would advise him to do, and still get the "one step away from an abuser, Run Girl Run" treatment.  [/quote]

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