Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have said many times you want to build a relationship with your extended family so I would say do it! But the only way I see you make this happen is to move closer. Since it sounds like you have the financial means, I would buy a 2 nd home and visit as much as you can.

I am not childless so not connecting in that way but I am the only sibling, relative who left my small town. My dh a bit of the same but a city. Any relationship we have with family and childhood friends almost all revolve around us going to them. They love us, call us, send gifts, etc. but except for my parents ( who love mine and their other grandchildren), I can count maybe 8-10 visits from either side in 20 yrs.

If we wanted a relationship, we had to go to them. I’ve discussed this with other dc area friends  who say the same. A lot of people just do not think outside their world or comfort zone. It is just the way it is.  You can have a relationship but it will be on their terms. Once I accepted that I was so much happier as I could choose it or not. I chose it!

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This could so easily backfire. If you are close with family members, distance doesn't matter. You WANT to visit, text, etc. If you are not close and they just aren't feeling it, then moving closer won't make that happen. It could also feel really uncomfortable for them to suddenly be getting more calls and more expectations of getting together. If they keep saying "we wish you lived closer" then that's on them, but otherwise, you don't move to be near people who don't have much of a relationship with already.[/quote]

I was just thinking that if she wants to build a relationship she needs to be around them enough to do so.  The 2 nd home would be more like “ we are in town this weekend would love for y’all to stop by for lemonade/glass of wine, or we will be in town for the 4 th of July parade and will look for you.” Hopefully over time a relationship develops. Yes, it is a risk to buy a place and then find out they truly want nothing to do with you but it sounds as if they just don’t know her and her husband.  I see below the OP says she left and never really went back so again they simply don’t know her enough to have her come up on their radar. If they seem to be genuinely nice people who she would enjoy then trying to establish a connection by being more readily available may be a good idea.

We can make new friends later in life so why can’t they be cousins. Wishing you well, OP.

My hometown is a beach town so buying a 2nd place would not be odd:)[/quote]

You have a generation gap in your thinking. Perhaps a bunch of retired people would be into the "would love for y'all to stop by," but it's the rare sandwich generation or parents with kids and work and life who would jump at the idea to hang out with random family member who is at a different stage in life. If OP already goes back and they don't join, what makes you think they will if she buys a property there. You have to find those in the club that will welcome you and not trying to be in the club that is too overwhelmed and stressed out to go hang with y'all and sip lemon aide or wine on the porch.[/quote]

OP here. Errm... I am not a 'random' family member. To my cousins I am their cousin. To my aunts and uncles I am their niece, the only daughter of their brother (my dad) and sister (my mom) who, sadly, both died far too young of illness.[/quote]

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