Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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Reply to "How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have said many times you want to build a relationship with your extended family so I would say do it! But the only way I see you make this happen is to move closer. Since it sounds like you have the financial means, I would buy a 2 nd home and visit as much as you can.

I am not childless so not connecting in that way but I am the only sibling, relative who left my small town. My dh a bit of the same but a city. Any relationship we have with family and childhood friends almost all revolve around us going to them. They love us, call us, send gifts, etc. but except for my parents ( who love mine and their other grandchildren), I can count maybe 8-10 visits from either side in 20 yrs.

If we wanted a relationship, we had to go to them. I’ve discussed this with other dc area friends  who say the same. A lot of people just do not think outside their world or comfort zone. It is just the way it is.  [b]You can have a relationship but it will be on their terms. Once I accepted that I was so much happier as I could choose it or not. I chose it![/b]

[/quote]

This could so easily backfire. If you are close with family members, distance doesn't matter. You WANT to visit, text, etc. If you are not close and they just aren't feeling it, then moving closer won't make that happen. It could also feel really uncomfortable for them to suddenly be getting more calls and more expectations of getting together. If they keep saying "we wish you lived closer" then that's on them, but otherwise, you don't move to be near people who don't have much of a relationship with already.[/quote]

Had the same situation here but we chose differently.

We spent so much vacation time, money, planning to go visit others and they never reciprocated despite having similar financial, work and family obligations. It was always one sided with us making the effort.

Planes, trains and automobiles go two ways.

While I can't say I was happy to learn people we thought wanted to see us really didn't (or they'd make an effort after years of our visits) I can say that it helped us whittle down to those who TRULY cared about having a fair and reciprocal relationship. [/quote]

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