Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I suggest that you get as much information as you can from your tour group participants (lucky you--you have a gold mine right there!).
And I second the suggestions about a continuing care community--they are really great options in many cases.  And better too soon than too late![/quote]

This is OP again.
Yes, you're right. My tour group participants could give a lot of useful information.
Another idea. My husband and I could move to a 55+ community and I could organize tours for our fellow residents and be the tour guide, haha.[/quote]

I want to make another point: You seem to be moved by the lonliness of your 93 year old relative and fear being in that position yourself because you have no close family.

I have news for you - the MAJORITY of people in Assisted Living, Nursing Home, Care Homes HAVE family. They have kids. Grandkids, Nieces and Nephews. But guess what?  They are still in the same boat with the others in the facility who may have no family.  I've known people whose kids/grandkids/relatives have never visited them despite being within an hour's driving distance.  A whole year went by and they didn't even come in once to check on them.  Others have kids who live long distances away and visit a couple of times per year.

But what these older people have is each other. They make friends with each other and do things together even if it is just wheeling their wheelchairs into the dining room to have lunch once a day, or play bingo. They often develop friendly relationships with care givers. Those who have dementia like to sit in a recreation room and watch TV together, even if they don't speak.  They just like being in company.

So don't go chasing after the idea that having family will prevent lonliness as you age.  It won't.  The antidote for it is to be as active and involved as you can, adjust your attitude to your circumstances, and manifest thankfulness for all you HAVE had, at the top.

[/quote]

This, all of this. I have noticed in my family, the people who did the hard labor of being there for aging parents are all planning well. They are finding continued care communities. They are staying social and active. They understand how cruel and entitled it is to expect people with spouses, kids, jobs, their own health issues and stressors, to drop everything for their emergencies and cater to them. Because they actually have empathy and understanding, in turn, the people in their lives are willing to visit because it's enjoyable. It's not filled with guilt and obligation and neediness.

We all have to plan for ourselves and save and be responsible. Hire your help. Find your residential place. Keep your brain exercised with learning and social interaction and new experiences and don't waste it obsessing over things like how to force family to have a relationship and how to build the right free support system. You can build an excellent support system you PAY for. We are drawn to people who are fun, happy and have a zest for life, not people who feel sorry for themselves and are needy. Build your life. plant your garden. Plan your aging situation carefully. [/quote]

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